12

I wrote this on Tag's 12th birthday and posted to Facebook but didn't write here.  So I am adding it in so I have all of these writings in one place.  

12

3.22.16

Twelve seems like a good number.  A dozen.  Many good things come as a dozen.  Doughnuts.  Roses.  Cookies.  Balloons.  Those are the first things that come to mind, none of which I would turn away if offered them.

This year 12 has a new meaning.  It is my how old my son would be if he had not been born silently.  A dozen years of stillness.  Quietness on earth while he grows up in heaven.  

A tween.  Almost a teenager.  I certainly know what teenage boys are like after having two of them.  I wonder daily what he would have been like.  I wonder how he would look.  I don’t doubt how he would smell.  LOL...teenage boys stink!!!  I wonder what color his eyes would be.  I wonder how long he would have to wear braces (it’s inevitable for my kids, sorry!).  I wonder if his hair would have stayed so dark.

I know I will know one day and no longer wonder those things when I get to go home in heaven and see him.  I am not missing a moment here to go there.  But oh what a day that will be.  To hug him. To hold him again.  To see him alive.  My arms still ache.  My heart still breaks.  My eyes still get wet because I miss him.  I PRAISE GOD that He is in control and has a plan for my life.  It is so not what I would have planned.  He knows best.  I have to trust that.  I have to trust Him.  My feet are on the Rock.  He is my strength.  But I also have to live the life He has given me so it is not for naught.  So it counts for eternal glory.  For His glory.

Oh baby Tag.  You are so loved.  So missed.  Never forgotten.  Always loved.

Happy birthday baby boy!

Always your mommy, my angel baby.