New Year 2014!!

I am so NOT good at new year resolutions.

In fact, I hardly ever even bother because they get lost in the shuffle of life.

This year I want to be different.  I just read a friend's blog and she talked about her resolution to read the Bible through in a year...BUT....it is the I WILL statement that is not always easy to follow thru on....here is the link:

http://kittimurray.com/the-disciple-who-follows/2013/12/31/promises-to-keep/

If I had to choose my top 3 resolutions, I think I would choose:

1.  To get and KEEP my house in order.  The word SIMPLE is hung across the wall you see as you enter my house.  The letters are RED so an easy reminder (theoretically) of how I want my life to be.  I WILL keep making progress to de-clutter, throw away the junk mail daily, put away clothes when I take them off (instead of over run the chairs in my room), and pick up the living room before I go to bed each night.  That sounds easy, but why is it so hard?

2.  To daily be in the Word.  It is my lifeline.  It is my grace for the day.  I NEED that connection and that reminder of who and WHOSE I am.  I really do love to study God's Word.  I am such a nerd to see how He has so intricately knit together His written words. There are treasures there to find EVERY day.  I, like my friend, would love to read the Bible through in a year.  BUT I also like to dig deep and find hidden treasures and connections. 

When cleaning out my library room (which got made into a playroom for Katie), I found my grandmother's Daily Walk Bible (that has the Scriptures broken down for you to read thru in a year).  I cried hard.  A page slipped out from a Bible study she had done and had her writing all over it.  I have such vivid memory of her in her recliner, reading from that book.  I don't know if she ever made it in a year, but I do know she too feasted on His word and loved reading it.  She was a very avid reader, but always made time for reading her Bible.

3.  To focus my time (limited that it is between kid drop off and pick up to/from school) to grow and maintain a healthy level in my business.  I have sold real estate for the most part of 18 years in January.  I love it.  I love each step and watching it all come together.  There is NOTHING like having a buyer find the right house and helping a seller find the right buyer for their home.  It is what I love to do...and, hopefully after years of experience, am good at.  I really like to have my phone ringing (even though I may complain) off the hook, having to coordinate showings, inspections, paperwork, closing, and every part of making a deal!  I feed on the adrenaline.  I love the excitement of never knowing which buyer will be THE ONE.  I LOVE knowing I have an offer in my inbox and the excitement of negotiating.

My three resolutions....ok friends, help me keep them!  :)

9

Today is the day nine long, but very short, years ago that our son Tag was born silently.

It seems so long ago, yet like yesterday.  It, of course, is a day I will never forget.

Our hearts were broken, yet we were in complete shock.  I was sitting at my doctor's office fully expecting to be sent to the hospital to have that baby.  I was, just in a completely different way.

He was so beautiful with jet black hair and the chubby little legs.  Even 2.5 weeks early (at 37.5 weeks) he was 9 lbs 1 oz...a big boy!!

There is so much I could write, but I will keep it short just to say that I am most thankful that God is the glue that holds my life together.   We literally were carried through the weeks following by MANY prayers, from literally hundreds of people across the US and around the world.

At times like these you have to believe the sovereignty of God.  You really just have to believe God.  There is no physical explanation that makes sense.  You just have to know God had (and HAS) higher purposes for Tag's little life.

I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus holds my baby boy and I will see him again.  We not only have the eternal hope of salvation and eternity with God, but we have a LIVING HOPE.  We have the resurrection power in our lives now.   We don't have to wait until eternity to be in His healing presence and experience His great love for us.

So in the words of Peter (1st book, 1:3--NASB)  "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead."  READ THE REST..through vs 9.  These tests of our faith are only to produce a deeper faith and joy, and glory to God.

As awful as it is to walk through something like this, it is nothing compared to the glory of His grace.  Only by that grace, go I.

This is my beautiful baby boy.  This picture sits on my dresser and I do look at it daily.

To God be the glory forever and only to Him.

Trusting & Grief

The little sister of a girl I graduated with from high school was killed Thursday in a car wreck in Italy (she was serving in the US Navy there) on her way to work.  She was positively a beautiful woman, both on the inside and outside.  Her sister (my age) was almost killed in a car wreck when we were in high school.   Our class cheered (& cried) as she walked across the stage at graduation because she was told she would never walk again.

 

When you lose a loved one unexpectantly, there are no words to say.  Of course everyone says they are sorry for your loss.  People even go to the extent to say things like "our loss is heaven's gain."  No words can express the grief that is with you forever because that person is no longer here on earth to walk through life with you.

 

But what you really want to know is WHY???  Why was this woman killed in the prime of her life?  Why was my child taken away?  Why do people have to suffer so much through an illness that is terminal in the end?

 

Those questions may never be answered on this side of heaven.  Even if they were answered, those answers may never make sense.  The only thing that makes sense is that God is still God and He does things for our good and for His glory.  I may never understand how one's death may bring more glory to God than one's life.

 

A few years ago I had a dear friend & neighbor in her late 40's contract a rare form of cancer.  After months of treatment, she passed away.  During those months of her sickness, she was showered with love.  People from her church brought her food, sat with her in the hospital and even cleaned her house.  She was truly shown the love of God through the church--as His hands and feet.  I had the strongest sense at her funeral that a purpose in her sickness then death was for her to know the love of God.  I, of course, have no idea what God was doing in all that, but know beyond a shadow of doubt that she experienced Love in a way she never had before.

 

It all comes back to trust.  We have to choose to believe God or not.  We can't choose which part of God we will believe...it is all or nothing.  God loves us more than we can even imagine.  He has done everything for us to be able to be in a relationship with Him.  That is all He wants from us is to choose Him.

 

So in life, death, and grief, we have to trust.  We have to believe God is Who He says He is and live accordingly.  One day will be our day to stand before Him to give an account of our life on earth.  I know I want to hear "well done" and know that I did all I could for His glory while here on earth.  I am so not perfect, but I am perfect in Christ and that is how God sees me.  That is all I need to know...and rest in and trust in and believe.

Broken Shell Pieces

One of my favorite things to do at the beach is go on a long walk, preferably alone with just the sound of the waves and the birds to keep me company.  Though I do like to go on talking walks too...with family or friends.  But the peaceful solitude of beach walks is always a good time for me just to think and pray and soak in nature (and some rays--great way to get a tan without just laying there!).  It truly is a time to listen and let God speak to me through His Spirit inside and His creation outside.

One of the most memorable walks I have had is the summer we were at the beach after Tag's silent birth.  God showed me a lesson I will never forget.  Here are the words from my journal:

I was standing there looking at a lot of shells—mostly broken & small ones—and seaweed.  As I was looking I heard from God that He made each of those shells for a purpose—each contained a small life that served a purpose.  WOW!

So this is the shell I picked up from that ugly mess--hundreds of shells left empty by the animals that occupied them and were long gone.  Most of the shells were broken.  Some were just mere pieces, their type of shell not even recognizable.

Of all the lessons one could draw from this messy pile, the still small Voice of God chose to assure me that each piece was represented a life of a tiny animal that had a purpose, just as the tiny life of Tag sure had a magnificent purpose in the grand scheme of things.  That is so true and was one of the hopes I clung to through the years of grieving.

There are many things you could use this metaphor for in life...but that is what God showed me then.

While that was my lesson then, I think my lesson now is to know that while the shell is broken into pieces, it is still a shell.  Who we are even in the midst of brokenness doesn't change.  Our heart is still our heart.  I recently re-read some of my journals from high school.  Over and over I prayed for guidance and truly sought the Lord for His will.  Through it all my heart's desire was to bring glory to Him in all I did.  That is still my true heart's desire.  Though my struggles have shadowed that desire, it is still the central desire of my heart.  Life throws curve ball sometimes, but God is never changing and to that truth I must cling.  We must cling.  He is so faithful!!

Blossom on our Branches

If we are to hold fast to our roots, and blossom on our branches, what does that mean?!?!

For me, it means my roots of faith.  I have a STRONG heritage of women in my family (& men, but this is for me) who have gigantic faith.  My maternal grandfather's mother (affectionately known as Maw) had callouses on her knees from the hours she spent in prayer, kneeling beside her bed praying for each of her five children, their spouses, their children, and their grandchildren, etc.  Her Bible was always open beside her chair.  I remember as a small child listening to her pray as we would leave her small, cozy house in the mountains of West Virginia.  We gathered in a circle, holding hands, before leaving and she had the most sincere prayers for each person in the circle, lasting no less than 30 minutes usually.   My grandfather would always cut up during her prayer and usually get in trouble, but that is a side note. 

I do not remember my life without God in it.  I accepted Christ, got saved, asked Jesus into my heart...whatever you want to call it at a very young age, like 4.  I was baptized at First Baptist Atlanta in 3rd grade and have always followed God.  Church was not an option at my house, not because I was required to go, but because I wanted to go.

However, things have happened in my life to cause me to doubt God.  I have gotten through hard stuff (like the loss of a child) and never had doubts.  I have gone through seemingly less horrific situations which have caused doubts to arise.  The doubts have caused me to set God aside and just live how I want to sometimes.  The doubts have nearly destroyed who I am.  Even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt who God is and who I am in Christ, I lose sight of those things, as I nearly drowned in my sea of self-pity and discontentment.

 

Thank God for strong roots and that they are grounded in His love, which is never ending.  While we were yet sinners, Christ came to earth as a baby, grew into a man and died for us (Rom 5:8) so we can have eternal life with God by believing Him. (John 3:16)

 

BLOSSOM

Blossom on our branches?  So if we have roots, something has to grow out of them.  What grows comes from the life choices we make.  We can make ugly sticks grow out or beautiful flowers.  What determines that?  Our heart has a huge role in that...our hearts are born with evil intentions and God  comes in to make it beautiful.  When He comes, He gives us a new heart/self which has been created in the likeness of God in righteousness and holiness of truth (Ephesians 4).

 

He makes all things beautiful in His time...Ecclesiates 3:11

 

Our prayer is to "Create in me a clean heart, O God." (Ps 51--read it all!!)

 

How do we get a beautiful heart?

In December, I danced the role of the Grinch in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and since my heart was 2 sizes too small, I (the Grinch) got a new heart at the end.  To me, this was the end all to the story.  We have to realize that WE CANNOT do anything on our own merit.  God has already done it ALL in Christ on the cross.  He did all that before we did a thing, like even be born.  The beauty inside comes from the love of God.  When we open our hearts to receive God's tremendous love for us, we are beautiful.  God sees us that way, even if we don't see ourselves that way.  We are perfect to Him, in Christ.  Without Christ, we are sinful and ugly.  Jesus truly makes us beautiful and lovely.

This sounds like "religious" talk, but I assure you it is not.  The love God showed us by sending His Son to die on a cross just so we can be in His presence should only invoke worship and love from us.  This love from our Father is beyond anything we can imagine and is all we need to be complete and whole.  Our wholeness is because of His holiness and that He has taken us for His own. 

 

That should be and is inspiration for us to bloom on our branches and be ALL we were created to be.  That is not to say that everything in our lives will be beautiful, but we don't appreciate the beauty with out the ugliness.  That is beautiful lesson in life.

Endurance...

I woke up at 2:45 am having a very vivid dream...God showed me in my dream three things that are distractions for me--things that keep me from following Him.  I don't need to share here what they are, but the point He made clear is endurance. 

 

We have to press on, to finish the race to be able to see God face-to-face.  I know I want to hear (in my ever striving state of seeking approval--that is another issue) from Him, "Well done."  Not "You screwed up a bunch of times"...well, I have but am so thankful for His grace.

 

Verses brought to mind (THIS is why knowing His Word is important, so it can be brought to your mind via the Holy Spirt...just saying):

 

James 1:2-4 (NASV)

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endruance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

 

Hebrews 12:1-3 (NASV)

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (the preceding chapter is the Faith Hall of Fame), let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

 

Not losing heart is what endurance is all about...what are the things you are facing that make you lose heart?

 

The things I have faced in the past couple of years have caused me to ALMOST lose heart, but God is faithful and He doesn't let go of us!! 

 

When I faced the tiny white casket holding my beautiful baby boy, I pressed into God as hard as I could.  I did not lose heart or grow weary.  I knew that God was the ONLY hope I had and that I had to believe that He is God or else just crawl up in there with my son myself.   Yes, my heart was broken, but it had hope and faith.   I had to believe God had a plan or else I would have given up.  Even so, the grief is overwhelming and the aches to hold him are real.  How could God do this was never a question, but what is God doing was (and is) a daily question in our lives.

 

Thus, endurance...we can't give up early or else will miss what God is doing.  He knits together our lives before we are born.  He has purpose in each second.  Why would we want to miss out on that by tossing in the towel early?

 

Consider Christ.  He gave up EVERYTHING to come to earth, be a human, and die a human.  But God certainly had a plan for His life...our redemption and our relationship with Him.  Don't want to miss a second of that!

 

Endure, my friends, endure.

A Piece of the Puzzle

Upon entering the service at church this past Sunday, everyone got to pick out a puzzle piece.   It was puzzling (ha ha) as to why we had to do that.  I had a smile arise from inside because I had an idea. 
A guest speaker (Brady Clarke) shared the strong message laid on his heart for the New Year, coming from places such as Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...) and John 14 (You will have trouble in this world, but take courage, I have overcome…red letters, so Jesus said).  The bottom line to the message concerned the puzzle piece.  Why would we get a puzzle piece, he asked?  In making New Year resolutions/setting goals, it should be the ultimate goal in our lives to live for the glory of God, not just to live long and prosper, as Trekkians promote.

The puzzle piece represents our lives. 



 

Look at mine:  it is ugly….brown with yellow dots.  If all I looked at was my piece, I would be so very disappointed. 

The speaker then held up the box.  When we see the whole picture of the puzzle we see how our little piece fits in.  This puzzle is a summer village scene, with many pretty buildings, people running around going about their lives, and beautiful nature portrayed.  (OK, so I didn’t really pay attention to what the scene was, but you get the idea.)   What we do with each piece of the puzzle we are given ultimately comes down to do we bring glory to God with it or not.

This is a lesson I saw on losing my son Tag, who was born silently in March 2004.  I had NO idea why God chose to take him home to heaven instead of letting us raise him here.  My arms ached to hold him and my heart broke.  But I chose to accept the piece of the puzzle I was given and bring glory to God through it.  The memorial service we had for him was truly a time of praise and healing for other people who had lost children to stillbirth or miscarriage, even abortion.  His intensely short life in my womb had ramifications I may never know about, but I know that Jesus has held my son these past almost 9 years and that I will see him again.  God has been so amazing to even give me dreams of him now in heaven.

My ugly puzzle piece is stuck in my Bible for a while at Jeremiah 29 to be a reminder to me this year of what my reaction needs to be about the puzzle pieces of life I am handed.

Here is link to sermon if you want to listen too:  http://www.classiccity.org/special-guest-speaker-brady-clarke-the-ultimate-resolution-123012

Welcome

Blogging is a chore.  But it also a way to share your life experiences with others.

 

This blog is just that....but why Tales from a Giraffe?

 

My life changed forever on March 22, 2004.  I started the morning with the "regular" 9 month pregnant mom stuff...I am sure...like taking my oldest son to kindergarten, getting my other son ready to go and myself to the doctor for my weekly visit.  I was just SURE he was going to tell me to go straight to the hospital and have my 3rd son that day!!  Instead, he could find no heartbeat and I delivered my son Joshua Taggart "Baby Tag" Seigler silently via emergency c-section.  I was put to sleep and he was taken out.  I woke up to an empty womb and empty arms.  Our lives were never the same.  While in the hospital, I felt surrounded by the presence of God and covered by the literally hundreds of people praying for us.  I also knew I would have another child, a girl with dark curly hair.

 

The months and years that have followed haven't always been easy, but God is so with us.

 

Before he died, my mom and others had bought outfits with giraffes on them.  He was bathed and dressed in one of those outfits the first time I held his still body.  He was buried in another giraffe outfit, along with a giraffe blanket and rattle.  He was a giraffe boy and I didn't know why.

 

About 2 years later I was driving to work and asked God to show me what in the world we were supposed to learn from Tag's giraffes.  He answered, a most beautiful answer.  He is like a giraffe, in that He is so far above that He sees everything.  We have to trust Him to know that HE IS GOD and does know what He is doing with our lives.  The things in our lives don't always make sense, but He does.  Faith is simply trusting that God is God and we are not.  He knows best because He knows all.  That was my answer.  WOW!

 

Hence, this blog.  I want to one day share my whole story and the many lessons learned from his silent life.  But I will just share what is laid on my heart to share.

 

My faith is deep, but I do have doubts.  Doubts are things that cause us to look at the water instead of at Jesus...and make us drown!!  We, as Believers, HAVE to keep our eyes on Jesus...He alone is the author and perfector of our faith and HE has begun a good work in us, that HE will complete!!  We have to believe that or else die...spiritually.  He is good and does work all things for our good and HIS GLORY!!  AMEN!